Bangers only: Which one-hit wonder aligns with your zodiac sign?

On Sept. 25, we observe National One-Hit Wonder Day, and to celebrate these singular bangers and irrefutable earworms, we’re matching a song to each member of the zodiac.

For our intents and purposes, a one-hit wonder is defined as an artist who becomes so well-known for a single recording that the celebratory glare overshadows all of their subsequent offerings to the gods of song.

Special thanks to the brilliant astrologer Elise Wells of Planet Poetica for aiding and abetting our understanding of the relationship between zodiac archetypes and these beautiful — albeit brief — flashes of musical genius.

Read on to learn more, and see here for the epic power ballad that aligns with your sign.

Quiet Riot: “Cum on Feel the Noize”   

Aries folk are about as subtle as a piñata full of ball gags, and this song spells out a crass word for semen in the title. It’s an in-your-face, fist-pumping banger that begs for more and more — and then delivers.

Mungo Jerry: “In the Summertime”

Ruled by Venus, Taureans live by the pleasure principle, and this song celebrates all manner of earthly delights: sunshine, dinner, drinking, driving easy love, and easy living. Can dig. The opening grunts even sound like lazy sex, the preferred pursuit of bulls.

Snow: “Informer ”

Ruled by Mercury and living loquaciously, Gemini finds their spirit mirrored in a fast-spitting song that is as maddeningly likable as it is utterly incomprehensible. A veritable earworm, “Informer” also tells the tale of a police informant who helped send Snow to jail IRL, and with their penchant for word vomit, Geminis make up a large swath of snitches.

DNCE: “Cake by the Ocean”

Written by apex Cancer Joe Jonas as a love letter to getting it on at the beach, “Cake by the Ocean” invokes the crab tenants of intimacy, sidestepping the point, emotional eating and the familiar comforts of seaside environs. Runner-up for the sign that rules and represents maternal magic? “Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne.

Right Said Fred: “I’m Too Sexy”

No one has ever accused a Leo of modesty, and “I’m Too Sexy” is an eye-roll anthem of superiority and self-worship. In 2017, BuzzFeed ranked it No. 90 in their list of “The 101 Greatest Dance Songs of the ’90s,” proclaiming, “Yes, this song is cheesy as hell, but it doesn’t ever try to be anything other than what it is: a fun, catchy, campy dance song.”

Similarly, Leos don’t mind leaning on the cheese and amping the camp so long as it means someone is filming and everyone is dancing. Runner-up is Len’s “Steal My Sunshine.”

Tones and I: “Dance Monkey”

Virgo astrologer Elise Wells claims “Dance Monkey” for her ilk because the song “celebrates mindlessly fulfilling obligations but also simultaneously fulfilling ourselves through mindless fun. Virgo is prone to hyperfocused monkey behavior, doing weird, repetitive, and completely obstinate things in a signature way.”

Alien Ant Farm: “Smooth Criminal”

Libra is a sign that has mastered the fine art of the gentle swindle. They’re so good at being charming charlatans that you almost want to thank them for robbing you. A list of items Libras have stolen from me, in no particular order: my ideas, boyfriends, family heirlooms, Whole Foods gift cards and the best years of my life. In honor of this, I give you a one-hit wonder that is a theft in itself as the OG version belongs to none other than Michael Jackson.

Blu Cantrell: “Hit ‘Em Up Style”

Scorpio is the sign of sex, death and other people’s money. In-kind and in sweet revenge, this banger from Blu Cantrell extolls the bitter joys of literal payback, punishing a cheating partner with financial ruin. Rest assured, folks, if you harm the heart of a scorpion, robbery ain’t even half their wrath.

Chumbawamba: “Tubthumping”

Sagittarius is the sign of the eternal optimist and the pursuit of having a good time all of the time. In kind, this one-hit wonder about getting s–t-faced but always back in the saddle speaks to the unconquerable spirit of the archer. Bonus: The band once appeared on “Politically Incorrect With Bill Maher” and urged fans to steal their albums, a fitting decree for a song and a sign that lets freedom ring and throws caution to the wind.

Alannah Myles: “Black Velvet”

Sung by a Capricorn about a Capricorn, “Black Velvet” is an ode to Elvis Presley, the sea goat king of hearts and hips. Ruled by taskmaster Saturn and represented by the devil tarot card, Capricorn is the sign of leather and legacy, and with high notes, an enduring bass line, and an inexplicable but no less aspirational pair of chaps, Myles proves the provenance of her stars.

Eiffel 65: “Blue (Da Ba Dee)”

Aquarius flies the flag of the misunderstood, and listening to this song — with its nonsensical lyrics and baby babbling about a lonely outsider drenched in an azure existence — feels a little like freebasing Fruity Pebbles and a whole lot like an Aquarius writing a memoir. Runner up? OMC’s “How Bizarre.”

Afroman: “Because I Got High”

Pisces is the sign of altered states and pastel oblivion, and Afroman’s anthem of “all that could have been if he hadn’t said yes to excess” speaks to the escapist spirit of this mutable water sign. Runnerup is Crazy Town’s early-aughts banger “Butterfly,” which manages to romanticize an ideal partner and the doomed relationship between Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen. Go off.

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture, and personal experience. To book a reading, visit her website.