Dear Abby: My girlfriend doesn’t want me spending money on my kids

DEAR ABBY: When my ex-wife died recently, she left our two children (in their 20s and 30s) a home that was in her name. My son has a good job; my daughter works periodically as a model. Losing her devastated both of them. The home she left them is not only in bad shape but also needs repairs and zoning and permitting updates. 

I earn a good living and recently won a personal injury lawsuit. I have been helping my kids by supporting them over the past few months because their emotional loss has taken them out of commission for a while. I have contributed tens of thousands of dollars toward their home, as well as helped out with rent and living expenses. 

My girlfriend, who I have lived with for many years, has now gone ballistic, screaming at me for spending what should be “our future retirement money” on them. She condemns me for supporting them, not making them “make it on their own” and “How dare I think of them and not ‘us.’” She and my kids have never gotten along. She has always been resentful and angry about any attention I give them and has accused me of “spoiling” them when I have helped in the past. 

I am furious that my girlfriend, who has never had children, can’t understand my desire to help. I feel it’s my moral obligation as their dad to be there for them, and I’m fortunate that I can do it. Isn’t it the right thing to do as a parent to help as much as possible? Is my girlfriend out of line? This has damaged our relationship, and I’m concerned it may be completely off the rails. — GOOD GUY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GOOD GUY: I don’t know the intimate details of your financial situation, the relationship you have with your companion or to what degree your generosity may impact your future. Of course it’s natural for loving parents to want to help their children. But tens of thousands of dollars is a lot of money. Because of the emotions involved, the logical choice for advice on this subject would be your CPA and your attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I have a male friend (attorney) who is married to a dermatologist. Nearly every time this friend interacts with a medical provider, he is dissatisfied and feels he is being ripped off. He attests that doctors order unnecessary tests and deliberately overcharge. He does this vociferously and repeatedly. 

I’m a retired medical professional and consumer of health services myself, so I am certainly aware that many parts of our health care system are a mess. I do not know how to stop his rants. I try to change the subject, but nearly every conversation is the same. — TIRED OF LISTENING

DEAR TIRED: You are not a hostage. The next time this friend raises the subject, tell him you have heard his complaints, there is nothing you can do about them, you would prefer to discuss something positive when you’re together and change the subject.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.