DEAR ABBY: My husband died six years ago. I met a widower three years ago. He was nice and attentive, but not anymore. We moved in together, and the last two years I have been miserable.
I pay half the rent. I also pay for all the groceries and gas and pick up the check every time we go out to eat. He even takes my meds, so I have only half of what I need. The only time he is not moody is when I wait on him hand and foot.
I have nothing. I live on Social Security, and so does he. He doesn’t hit or abuse me, so I feel like I should stay, yet I’m so unhappy. He doesn’t talk to me or even give me a hug. I think I’m stuck and don’t know where to turn. My grown kids don’t need to hear that I messed up, and I don’t want to burden them. Can you please advise me? — MISERABLE IN ARIZONA
DEAR MISERABLE: Gladly. Your grown children need to know exactly what your situation is with this man. Whose name is on the lease of your dwelling? If it isn’t you, there is no reason why you can’t end this pain. Tell your kids what’s going on and ask for their help in getting out of this soul-crushing mess. It may be embarrassing, but it may be the only way to escape.
DEAR ABBY: I will be attending my nephew’s wedding in the northeast part of the country. I live in the mid-Atlantic. I have been told that at the reception each plate will cost $200, and they are expecting their wedding gifts to be worth at least the cost of the plate. Therefore, if a couple attends and both spouses dine at the reception, a $400 wedding gift is expected. Are these guidelines for real? — BAFFLED ABOUT ALL THIS
DEAR BAFFLED: These “guidelines” do not exist except in the minds of the presumptuous individuals who are throwing this shindig. A wedding reception is not a quid pro quo affair. The cost of the celebration is borne by the bride and groom and their parents, and no one else. If you plan to attend, your wedding gift should not cost more than you can comfortably afford.
DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife in November to non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD) that had progressed to cirrhosis. She also had polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which was diagnosed in 1990. No doctor told my wife in the intervening years, “You have PCOS, so you need to get your liver checked.” For some reason, most general practitioners and OB-GYNs do not tell their patients this.
According to the World Health Organization, about 10% of women have PCOS. According to the National Institutes of Health, between 34% and 70% of PCOS patients develop fatty liver disease. Could you use your platform to tell PCOS patients to advocate for themselves to get liver scans done? I don’t want any other family to experience the loss that my family has. — WARNING TO WOMEN
DEAR WARNING TO WOMEN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your wife to this terrible disease. Readers, I can’t promise insurance will pay for the additional testing for all PCOS patients, but it can’t hurt to raise the subject with your doctor.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
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