DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law “Leah” has been a poor money manager all her life. She is in significant credit card debt and had to borrow money to help pay for her wedding, despite the fact that she has been a teacher for decades. She has never been a saver — always a spender.
When my husband passed away recently, he left me with $1 million in life insurance proceeds. When Leah found out about it (I’m not sure how), she asked me to lend her some money to get back on her feet. When I refused, my other sister-in-law chastised me, saying that my husband would have lent her the money. Leah has been bailed out a few times by her sister but never by my husband. Am I wrong to stand my ground? — NOT AN ENABLER
DEAR NOT AN ENABLER: My heart goes out to you for the loss of your husband. Leah may be using the word “lend,” but believe me when I say you would never see that money again. If she wants to get out of debt, she needs to speak to a credit counselor, not her brother’s grieving widow. If she brings it up again, tell her to visit the National Foundation for Credit Counseling at nfcc.org.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old divorced man. For the past 10 years, my ex-wife has been living with me. Due to her medical condition and lack of family support, she has no one else to assist her. My own health is declining, so caring for her is a physical strain and emotionally stressful. She refuses any suggestion of a senior living facility because her only income is a small Social Security benefit.
How do I move on without fighting and accusations? I know I facilitated this by allowing her into my home in the first place. Any ideas where to begin? — FRUSTRATED IN TEXAS
DEAR FRUSTRATED: You were kind to take in and care for your ex a decade ago, but this arrangement is now affecting your health. To protect your own well-being, you must put your foot down. Help your ex-wife one last time by finding her a facility she can afford. Do not expect the transition to be pleasant, but the result will be an improvement for both of you.
DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married woman who went through a midlife crisis more than 20 years ago. At the time, I left my husband for another man, who gave me an expensive cocktail ring. When my relationship with the new man started to suffer for various reasons, I returned to my husband. Our marriage has remained strong ever since.
I have never worn the ring and have always felt guilty for having it. Should I contact my former lover and return it? Should I pawn it and send him the proceeds? Or maybe you have another suggestion? — RINGS HOLLOW IN ARIZONA
DEAR RINGS HOLLOW: Sell the ring and donate the proceeds to a worthy charitable cause. Do not open the door to further contact with your former lover.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
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