Mom explains why she is trying to say ‘yes’ more often

As a kid, my mom’s favorite phrase was “because no means no.”

I can’t begin to explain how frustrating that was, especially when there was no reason why it was a no. Just… no. End of discussion.

Now that I’m a mom myself, I’ve caught those exact words slipping out of my own mouth. 

But recently, I saw a TikTok that made me stop and think.

“The number one thing that I have struggled with in parenting is my innate sense to want to tell my children no,” mom Brenden begins in her video.

“Why am I just saying no?”

It’s something she noticed through her daughter’s behavior. How she started hiding things she wanted behind her back, worried her mom would say no.

“While that’s something so small, it can grow into a lot more serious things as your children get older. I had to step back and ask myself: why am I just saying no? Why is that my immediate response to everything my child asks me?” she explains.

She realized that a lot of her no’s were about control. 

And sure, there are absolutely times when a no is necessary. Brenden makes it clear that boundaries around safety and wellbeing aren’t up for negotiation.

But some of those other no’s? The reflexive ones? They’re worth rethinking. 

“A lot of times you can just say yes,” she reveals. 

She gave the example of her daughter the other day, who asked if she could jump in a puddle. 

“My immediate response was no. In my brain I’m like I don’t want to have to change your shoes, I don’t want your shoes to be wet, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, I don’t want your clothes to get dirty,” Brenden said. 

“As if she gives a s**t about any of that.” 

Brenden is working hard to not say no to things that aren’t a big deal.

Do you tell your kids ‘no’ too much?

Yes, and I’m working on it

Sometimes, but it depends

No! Boundaries are important!

“Is it dangerous, or just inconvenient?”

So Brenden took a moment and reconsidered. 

“I had to stop and give myself a reality check and be like ‘girl. Who cares? Say yes!’” she revealed. 

“She jumped in the puddle and she got her shoes and her clothes wet. Guess what happened? Nothing. Other than her having a great f**king time.” 

Her comment section lit up with parents who felt the same.

“I saw a quote that said ‘is it dangerous, or just inconvenient?’ That has helped me to think before I say no! I am still working on it & your video was a great reminder!” one parent wrote. 

Another admitted “I struggle with finding a happy medium. I was saying yes to everything because I didn’t want to be too strict but then I realized my kid needs to be told no sometimes.”

“I have to ask myself, ‘Is it really that big of a deal?’ Most of the time it’s not. I struggle with this too!” a third added. 

Brenden says it’s something she has to work on constantly, because being easygoing doesn’t come naturally to her.

“I have to remind myself to say yes to the things that don’t matter,” she said. 

“I want to be the mom that my children know that I’m probably going to say yes, so that when I say no that know that I mean it.” 

Turns out, a little puddle-jumping joy is worth the wet shoes.