Coach says she was ‘skinny-shamed’ while struggling to gain weight

A woman says she was “skinny-shamed” like Luisa Zissman and made to feel she had to be “grateful” for being slim despite struggling to gain weight.

Bella Barnes, 26, has always been naturally slim and grew up being “skinny shamed” by people who would question how she could eat so much and stay slender – and even told her she looked anorexic.

A size six, weighing 55kg at the time, Bella became self-conscious of her weight as she saw posts on Instagram saying men preferred women with “curves” – but she also felt she couldn’t “complain” about being slim.

When she brought up wanting to put on weight to family and friends, she says they were “offended” and didn’t understand why she wanted to.

Now Bella has gained around 20kg and is comfortable in her size 10 frame, but she’s still passionate about stopping any kind of body shaming.

Bella, a weight gain coach, from Newham, London, said: “If you said ‘you’re quite fat – you should stop eating’ you’d think that was rude.

“It’s crazy to say ‘you’re so skinny – do you eat?’.

“They think you must have an eating disorder, be anorexic.

“You’re made to feel you can’t speak about it [skinny-shaming] – I should be grateful.

“It was told not being able to gain weight – it’s not a real problem.”

Bella was active growing up and was always slim.

She said, “Skinny shaming was the norm.

“I was always so skinny.

“I remember sitting on my relative’s lap and being told my bum was so bony.”

The shaming became evident when Bella hit secondary school.

She said, “I was being told men prefer women that are curvy.

“I was told, ‘men don’t like bones, they prefer curves’.

“People started straight-up skinny-shaming me.

“I was told, ‘OMG, you’re so skinny’.

“They question if I ate or how could I eat like that?”

Bella had a high metabolism and found she was able to eat a lot but not gain weight.

But she started to become self-conscious of her size six frame.

She said: “I was always told I’m the body standard, but that real women have curves.

“I’d delete pictures where I looked too skinny.

“I’d avoid certain clothes.

“I didn’t speak about it. It was told that’s not a problem.”

Bella decided she wanted to try and gain weight when she hit 17.

She told her family about her decision, but they didn’t understand.

She said: “They were offended I wanted to gain weight.

“I was told, ‘I have the perfect body’.

“They thought the idea of gaining weight equalled fat.”

Bella began eating lots of junk food and getting into the gym, but when she started a PT course, she started to look into the link between our mental state and appetite.

She was able to control her appetite better when she realised she wouldn’t eat as much when she was stressed.

Now she has gained 20kg and is a healthy size 10 to 12.

She is now a weight gain coach and shares her experiences on TikTok @coachbells.

By doing so, she says she “feels heard” and “seen”.

Bella said, “I love my body for more than how it looks.”

She feels skinny-shaming is often forgotten about – or not understood.

Bella said: “It seems like only if you’re overweight can you be body positive.

“It’s really disheartening.

“Wait a second before you say something to someone – you don’t know that person’s journey.

“Let’s just say they look good instead of being specific and saying they look fat or skinny.

“It’s really irritating to see so much about body positivity because there is a lack of it for people skinnier.”