DEAR ABBY: I am a widow who lost my husband 15 years ago. When my husband died, we had a daughter and one grandson. My daughter, a single mom, later had another son.
I have my own business and have worked hard these many years to help support my daughter, who is financially irresponsible. She has been evicted four times in the past 10 years, had two cars repossessed and can’t seem to keep a job for even a year. I am at my wits’ end. I need to stop helping her financially because it’s affecting my financial and mental health. She doesn’t have a job and can’t get her own place, so I feel I have no choice but to let her move in with me. I want to put a limit on how long she can stay. What should I do? — SUBJUGATED IN TEXAS
DEAR SUBJUGATED: Do not allow your daughter to move in with you. If she does, you will never get rid of her. Give her a certain amount of money for shelter and make it plain that she must use it to find a place to live (if only temporarily). Because it’s the last handout she’ll receive, she must get a job to support herself and her children. Then let her live the life she has chosen for herself. If you don’t, you will be your dysfunctional daughter’s prisoner until the day you die.
DEAR ABBY: Throughout my professional career, I was a quality assurance engineer with the task of analysis and corrective actions. If something broke or an error was made (for example, a worker’s hand getting caught in a machine), I’d try to identify a fix so it wouldn’t happen again. I am now retired and still tend to approach things with the same attitude.
I often get frustrated when someone makes an error and there’s no corrective action, admission that a mistake was made or even a small apology. I recently discovered an error on my financial accounts and asked the bank how this was overlooked even after I had pointed out the error prior to the account being processed. Abby, I was completely ignored and never received any feedback. What’s the best way to ask someone for an explanation concerning what actions were taken to ensure the error does not happen again? — KEEN ON QUALITY
DEAR KEEN ON QUALITY: In your line of work, safety was the top priority. You developed a zero-tolerance attitude toward errors because it was literally a matter of life and limb. Outside that environment, however, you may find it helpful to remember that the stakes are not nearly so high.
No permanent harm came of the bank error. You are right that it would be best if the bank reviewed its procedures to avoid future errors, but that’s their job, not yours. Having corrected the error in a timely fashion, the bank owes you no further explanation. Trust that, in the future, they will do their best to improve without your help (but always check your statements).
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
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