Gail Rudnick and Kim Murstein — the no-nonsense hosts of hit podcast series “Excuse My Grandma” — are The Post’s brand-new advice columnists.
From family feuds to friendship fallouts, money, marriage and sex, there’s no topic too taboo to tackle, and the native New Yorkers will hash out each issue from their differing perspectives to tell the tough-love truth — and you’ll thank them for it.
To get your questions answered, head to nypost.com/ema and drop them a note about what you need sorted.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
Sex has become awkward to talk about as we’ve gotten older, and I want to have better sex with my partner. How do couples reopen that conversation after years of silence?
Kim: Grandma Gail?
Grandma Gail: Well, first of all I sex is fun when you’re young, and it’s wonderful as you get older. It just takes on different aspects of sex. It’s not necessarily the hot passion that you had when you were in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s. You have different wants.
It’s not necessarily the consummation of an act. It could be holding someone’s hand. It could be, talking privately about things that you never talk about, that are really dear to your heart. It could be just having a cup of coffee together and saying I love you. Holding hands. So is sex is not always the physical, act itself for older people.
Kim: Okay, but some people want to have sex, even as they’re older.
Grandma Gail: Then they should do it.
Kim: I mean, that’s why they’re selling so much Viagra. There has to be older people taking Viagra there. Young people usually don’t need it. So there is an audience out there that wants to have sex and wants to have a lot of it.
Grandma Gail: Good! Go enjoy it. But sex becomes less the act as one ages and more about the intimacy.
Kim: So maybe you’re 50, 60, 70, whatever. As they’ve gotten older maybe, you know, they realize from 20 or 30 it’s different at 50.
Grandma Gail: Well it is different.
Kim: And it’s been a while, like, how do you bring that conversation up with with your partner?
Grandma Gail: You know how to initiate. Even though you’re 70 or 80, people know how to initiate sex. You can snuggle up in the bed together and something ends up happening. But it’s not really the act itself — as you age, that’s important. It’s the intimacy of being together and, knowing that your bodies are next to each other, that you’re holding hands walking down, the in the park. It’s all different ways to take on what would be sex.
Kim: That said, let’s say they haven’t even had that intimacy in a while — how do you suddenly just start one day if it’s been a bit?
Grandma Gail: So that has to be discussed because a lot of women as they get older don’t really want to have sex. And a lot of men in their 80s can’t have sex, whether they have Viagra or not. So I think all these things evolve. It usually evolves very naturally and is is not the same as when you’re younger.
Kim: If it’s something that has been lacking for a bit —
Grandma Gail: Hold hands and put your arm around the other person and see what comes out of it.
Kim: Okay. So just a little like move like, lift your arm up…
Grandma Gail: Well, I think it’s more than that. I think it’s more than that. When you’re 80, they probably can’t raise their arm. Don’t forget that everybody’s got arthritis and bursitis.
Kim: Okay. Take your meds, go to Pilates, then try the ‘yawn’ thing. This is a lot of work. I get why people are holding back in their 80s. Thank you.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
I’ve been living with my boyfriend for five years, and we’re constantly fighting. I think our relationship may be coming to an end, but we share a dog and I want to keep him. How do you handle a breakup when a pet belongs to both of you.
Grandma Gail: This is a situation.
Kim: This is bad. I know people this has happened to and it’s honestly, like, the worst thing ever. It’s like sharing a kid. It’s custody.
Grandma Gail: This is not worth a prenup over the dog. The lawyer will cost you more than the dog, so work it out.
Kim: Dogs are priceless. They’re part of the family.
Grandma Gail: Well, that’s true, but take the dog one week. You take it one week. You know, the other person takes it. But certainly if she’s been living with her boyfriend for five years and they’re fighting, this should end sooner than later.
Kim: There’s two issues. You should probably break up if you’re fighting all the time. And then there’s the issue of if you’re going to break up, what’s going to happen with the dog.
Grandma Gail: I think you can’t stay in the relationship because of the dog, because unfortunately, the dog’s life will come to an end and then you’re stuck with somebody no you don’t want to be with and you don’t want to do that anyway. That’s silly. Right? So, I don’t know. I think it’s going to be really hard to come up with an argument of why one person should keep the dog and why it shouldn’t be a split custody thing…
Kim: Even if it’s not weekly. Maybe it’s monthly or whatever it is.
Grandma Gail: Or holidays. Somebody wants to take it on a holiday, somebody doesn’t. Work it out.
Kim: The problem is you’re going to have to stay in contact with this person you’ve broken up with to do dog logistics. Whereas usually in a breakup you probably would never talk to them or see them again. So this person is going to have to be in your life. So when you do the breakup make sure it ends as nice as you can.
I would say do not get a pet with your significant other unless you are engaged or married, because stuff like this happens. Breakups happen all the time and you don’t want to be in this situation. It’s a bad situation.
Grandma Gail: I agree.
Kim: I would never get a pet with my partner.
Grandma Gail: Keep the pets out of it. You have enough problems.
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