How to hang in the Hamptons with your kiddos

Cocktail parties, fund-raisers, indecipherable polo exhibitions (what’s a chukka anyway?), seated dinners among fragile fine art . . . the Hamptons can be one long (boring) adult conversation. Too often, kids are banished to the great lawn or shackled to their nannies. So what’s in an East End weekend for the brood?

As it turns out, more than ever.

“When we opened in 2005, there wasn’t a lot for families on the East End of Long Island,” said Lara Sweeney, co-president of the Children’s Museum of the East End in Bridgehampton. Now celebrating its 20th anniversary, the CMEE has become the out east hub for all things kiddo, with a nine-hole mini golf course and 7,000 square feet of indoor fun (like, ships to explore, a windmill, a library, art studio and a lot more).

This season, it has a new, 9,000-square-foot ultra deluxe playground tricked out with trails, ramps, swings and abstract climbing structures by Berliner playground equipment. It’s designed by award-winning playground creator SPEC Play, along with landscape architects LaGuardia Design Group and Hampton Yards Landscaping, aiming to get kids off of their stunting screens and out into nature. Entrance to the museum is $19 per person.

“We also offer social services,” said Sweeney. “During COVID, we started a food pantry that’s still running biweekly. In the evening, we have classes like English as a second language for Spanish-speaking kids. So we’re more than a museum.”

To support them and the community, bring Jack and Jill to the 15th annual Family Fair, July 19 from 9:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. This year’s theme is Sweet Escape and it features oodles of arts, crafts, water play, live entertainment, food trucks and, of course, candy. Proceeds benefit the food pantry, provide camp scholarships and support outreach initiatives. Tickets start at $125.

But wait — any Swifties in the house? There’s more!

“We’ve got a summer camp and all that stuff,” said Sweeney. “But we also do this really cool Taylor Swift Experience. It’s a Taylor Swift cover band concert at the museum . . . like a cute little mini concert in our outdoor amphitheater, and we usually do the bracelet or T-shirt making. We’ll have food trucks and ice cream.”

That’s July 8.

In fact, concerts are one of the best recurring family activities on the East End for airing out your little showoffs. Over in Hampton Bays, Canoe Place Inn & Cottages has a talent-packed summer concert series set in the historic Grand Ballroom. Come for names such as Aimee Mann, Graham Nash and Rufus Wainwright. Families won’t want to miss a special performance from indie bands Guster and the Mountain Goats Aug. 3. Most shows are open to all ages, and children 6 and under are free.

If you’re new to the area or a fresh pledge to the parental order, you’ll want to hook up with similarly burdened (we mean blessed) adults. That’s why this season, Sharon Feiereisen has launched her Mom Club in the Hamptons.

“When I moved to New York, every ‘mom’ you met was really a nanny. It was super miserable,” she recalled. “So I started planning events for moms to do stuff with their kids and get to know each other.”

In a very Hamptons, very 21st-century twist on the Tupperware party, Feiereisen also saw an opportunity to get top brands involved in her supportive network of influential moms. Reebok, La Roche-Posay, Slumberkins, Terez and Carbon38 have all sponsored get-togethers. Now, during weekly East End events (kicking off June 28), the club will host mom-only workouts at Tremble studio in Bridgehampton. Better still, Carbon38 is dressing the ladies, while Almla Active provides grippy socks. But don’t worry, dads, some events — like a workout at Barry’s in Southampton in July — are open to fathers and every event comes with a gift bag.

At Sole East resort, she’s also arranging workouts for moms in any stage of motherhood — pregnancy and beyond.

“It’s an opportunity for moms to bring their kids and work out with their babies and toddlers,” something most gyms, most of the time, won’t allow, she said. “We will be teaming up with fitness pros that specialize in teaching moms, like Rachel Feldman and Revolution Motherhood. We’re also teaming up with so many amazing brands like Belly Bandit, Tate’s, Nyssa, Souls LA, Gaiam and so many more to pamper the women.”

Finally, she’s organizing educational talks for moms from local experts, like sleep consultant Heather Cartier.

Moreover, parenting on the East End doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice all the things you love about these glittering shores.

“You can go to any restaurant at 5 p.m., when they open, and it is acceptable to bring your children, period. It doesn’t matter if it’s Bilboquet or if it’s Sag Pizza,” said Kelly Piccinnini, a local mom to 4- and 6-year-old boys who runs Hamptons institution Clam Bar when she isn’t putting out fires. “No parent wants to settle and go to like, no offense, a diner. Just because you have children shouldn’t mean you compromise on the environment or the quality of the experience.”

At Clam Bar, she’s added a family dining area to keep kids from crowding neighboring tables and activities like corn hole and oversize Connect Four to keep little hands busy. The Crow’s Nest in Montauk and Moby’s in East Hampton are two other family favorites with plenty of outdoor space to run and play.

“At Moby’s, they have these art sculptures that were not intended for children to climb on, but inevitably they do, and it’s accepted that’s what it is,” she said. “My suggestion is just to go early, make a reservation, and tell them you need a high chair if that’s what you need.”

Finally, don’t forget why people started coming to the Hamptons in the first place: The great outdoors. The Hamptons are brimming with coast sanctuaries and beautiful trails.

For instance, near the CMEE in Bridgehampton, the South Fork Natural History Museum and Nature Center has a marine touch tank with sea stars, crabs, urchins and whelks, plus terrariums and aquariums featuring local wildlife. There’s also a native butterfly garden, wildflower garden, educational pond, purple martin nesting site and nature walks through the 40-acre Vineyard Field Preserve with a 6-mile trail system ($10 per adult, $7 children 3-12; 2 years and under are free).

“Kids love it because they can see little sea animals and creatures and learn a lot of things about wildlife,” said Piccinnini. “There’s also the Elizabeth A. Morton National Wildlife Refuge with walks in Noyack and a local duck pond in East Hampton.”

And of course, lest you forget why homes cost upward of $100 million out here, there’s miles upon miles of stunning sandy beaches.

“We take our children to the beach more than anything else. I mean, right? It’s the beach,” said Piccinnini.