Absence may really make the heart grow fonder.
They say home is where the heart is, but for some couples, it’s actually where their spouse isn’t.
For Marcela Hill, that meant making the unconventional decision to move into her own apartment less than a mile from her husband.
Hill is going viral after posting a video, reshared on X by @HistorianUSA1, claiming the unconventional setup has transformed their relationship — sparking commentary from both sides of the aisle, with many couples saying sleeping under separate roofs has actually brought them closer.
Others question if it’s just the beginning of the end.
The setup, known as “Living Apart Together” (LAT), has quietly become more common over the past two decades.
According to 2021 Census data, about 3.89 million married Americans live apart from their spouses, while relationship experts say some couples are intentionally choosing separate homes to preserve independence, reduce everyday friction—not because their relationships are on the rocks.
Hill said years of trying to make cohabitation work left the couple bogged down by petty household disagreements.
After moving into separate apartments less than a mile apart, she said they still see each other regularly, go on dates and often spend the night together—but each has a place to retreat when needed,
“Our marriage has never been better,” she said in her video.
She claims to spend more time at the gym, building her company, and relaxing their nervous systems, likening the experience to “dating mode.”
The confession quickly ignited debate online, where supporters called the setup a relationship “hack,” while others dismissed it as “divorce with extra steps.”
“Me and my boyfriend of 5 years are trying this now, and honestly, we both feel more regulated in our nervous system. It’s about controlling your environment and then keeping the intimacy alive by showing up for each other in the exciting ways,” wrote one user on Reddit.
However, they mentioned at first it felt counterinutitive, but that honoring space and solitude helped to preserve sexual intimacy.
Others were far less convinced, arguing that married couples should be able to navigate everyday life under one roof and questioning whether separate homes are “divorce with extra steps.”
Advocates of the arrangement say living apart can actually strengthen a relationship by creating more intentional quality time, reducing fights over chores and household responsibilities, preserving each partner’s independence, rekindling the excitement of dating and encouraging stronger communication.
Like Nanette Murphy, a divorce and life transition coach, who not only lives in a separate home, but she and her hubby happily live in different countries — she in Michigan, he in Canada.
“After experiencing marriage and divorce before finding one another, we both understood that a successful marriage doesn’t necessarily have to look traditional. For us, having independence has not weakened our relationship — it has helped us protect it,” she told The Post.
“We have found a rhythm that gives us the best of both worlds: a committed marriage and a strong sense of individuality.”
But critics say the lifestyle comes with its own drawbacks, including the high cost of maintaining two homes, logistical challenges for families with children, the need for constant effort to stay emotionally connected and the risk that physical distance simply masks — rather than fixes — deeper relationship problems.
Relationship therapist Mary McLaughlin, who has spent more than 25 years counseling couples, said the arrangement isn’t necessarily a red flag — and, in some cases, it can genuinely work.
“I’ve seen happy marriages where couples sleep in separate bedrooms and miserable marriages where couples sleep together,” McLaughlin told The Post. “If both people feel it’s working, I wouldn’t automatically see it as a problem.”
But she wonders whether separate homes are solving the real issue—or simply making it easier to avoid it.
“Living separate might relieve some of the pressure, but it doesn’t address what created the problems to begin with,” she said.
Couples often enjoy living apart because it recreates the excitement of dating, allowing each partner to present the “best version” of themselves without the daily annoyances of shared life—from dirty dishes to noisy chewing, she said.
Dating coach James Preece said the growing popularity of “living apart together” reflects a broader shift in how couples view commitment.
“More and more people are looking for a relationship, but don’t want to give up their independence,” he told The Post. “It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the end of the road, but often a restart.”
Rather than spending every waking moment together, he said many couples find the time they do share becomes more meaningful.
“By giving each other a little space, the time they spend together is worth more, and they get to have a little adventure each time they meet.”
Still, McLaughlin cautioned that separate homes aren’t a cure-all.
While the arrangement may reduce conflict, she said it can also become expensive, difficult for families with children and, in some cases, blur the line between healthy independence and emotional distance.
“Whatever works, works,” she said. “But I’d be careful not to confuse the relief that comes from living apart with actually resolving the problems.”
The risk is that space can turn into avoidance and independence can start to feel more comfortable than intimacy.
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