Maniac career criminal busted after humping Trader Joe’s fridge, threatening customers with knife

Clean-up in the frozen hot dogs aisle.

A registered sex offender with a long rap sheet was arrested at a Trader Joe’s grocery store in Seattle this week for allegedly violating a refrigerator — and threatening to kill everyone inside the store with a knife.

Cops said the suspect, whom they identified as Keelan Terrel Malone, 33, was using racial slurs and brandishing the blade at security upon entering the store on East Madison Street, eventually “humping” a fridge and attempting to do the same to a customer.

When a security guard confronted him, the man flew into a rage, kicking a display of flowers and angrily hurling apples.

He also threatened to “kill everyone in the store,” police said.

Multiple officers responded to the call, and the deranged man was booked on felony harassment charges and taken to King County Jail.

“The suspect’s life might get a lot harder if he is not allowed to come within 500 feet of a fridge,” the Seattle Police blotter cheekily wrote of the Aug. 5 incident.

The department assigned detectives in the Homicide and Assault Unit to the case.

Court records show Malone has a lengthy criminal history, including a conviction for rape and attempted residential burglary in 2018, for which he was sentenced to just 6.75 months in jail in 2020 and given 24 months of supervised probation.

Charging documents state that Malone broke into a woman’s home and fondled her in her bed as her infant slept nearby.

Then in September 2021, Malone violated his probation when he was arrested after allegedly breaking into a senior living facility and stealing cash, credit cards and a cell phone from a resident’s room while she was smoking a cigarette outside, police reports state.

He was charged with residential burglary, but a state evaluator determined in 2022 that he was not competent to stand trial, and a judge ordered him to undergo an inpatient competency restoration in January of that year.

However, the felony burglary charge was ultimately dismissed because Malone was in jail for 40 days, where state law requires defendants in the midst of a competency restoration be transferred to a state hospital within seven to 14 days.

A LinkedIn profile believed to belong to Malone says he received a bachelor’s degree from Villanova University in 2014, and has worked as a camera operator for the West Angeles Church of God for more than 11 years.

A police spokesman said Washington State law prohibits law enforcement agencies from releasing suspects’ mugshots.

Malone remains in King County Jail on the latest charges on $1,000 bond.